Practicing Resurrection

Today I took a peek at This Modern World, the first time in a little while, and came across an excerpt of this 1995 Jon Carroll column from the San Francisco Chronicle. It's the story of how he was inspired to take a leap of faith out of a job that he hated, into the unknown, because of the death of a young woman who was an acquaintance of his. A doctoral student, she had all sorts of plans and dreams for what she might do when she finished her degree. One day a truck crossed the center line and and her life was over at the age of 25.

I've put off a lot of things this year. I was busy, taking my classes. Trying to keep the house from becoming a disaster area. Trying to take care of my kid with school and daycare and the job that isn't really what I want, but pays the bills.

I've had some ideas about things I'd like to try. Things I'd like to do. Not so much travel--I've done enough of that to know that people are people wherever you go, though they may act a little different, and that although it's cooler to see beautiful things in person, most of the time it's enough to just be where you are, as long as you are present enough to appreciate what you have.

No, my ideas are more about what I'd like to accomplish. I don't need to be famous--I think the lack of privacy would suck, really. But I would like to have a firmer web of connection with people around me. And I'd like to help save the world in the process. Not the whole world all by myself, just my small part, surrounded by people I love. That's the legacy I'd like to leave. And yet...how purposeful am I about that? How much do I just hope it will happen, once I find the better, more meaningful, closer-to-home job? Or once my son is a little older?

This is the closing part of the article. It may be kind of a spoiler, but I hope you'll go read the whole thing, and think about it. Just in case there is no time to lose.

When you're young you think that life stretches out indefinitely and you can take this crap for another decade. And the lesson of Jeanne Steager is, No, you bloody well can't. Life is of varying lengths, and actuarial tables are only averages, and sometimes you gotta close your eyes and jump. Even if it's scary; especially if it's scary.

Easy for me to say now; I have my dream job. I have my dream job because I quit that other job; that's a fact. Transcendence happens at precisely the same rate as that other stuff. As Wendell Berry says: Practice resurrection.