Grace, and Calling the Circle

Yesterday I received something precious, and I will call it grace.

I had been struggling at work, feeling like I was not fitting in, feeling like I did not know my place, feeling like I didn't understand expectations, feeling like I was failing. Most of these things I had tried to cope with on my own, trying to work out a way to work, but it was not going well. I had a meeting with the manager of our group (who is based in another state), and my de-facto manager on the ground, and they listened to me, and I felt heard and seen in a way I haven't for some time. I had reached a point where I didn't even care what the outcome would be, I just wanted to say my truth. And in the end I felt more hope than I have for some time, and that felt like a kind of unexpected grace.

This morning I picked up a book that I've had hanging around for a while--Calling the Circle: The First and Future Culture. A few months ago I was contemplating this circle idea and decided to order the book, but didn't read it--ended up loaning it to the friend who's working with me to start the circle. She bought her own copy, and it came back to me last weekend. And I picked it up today. I was thinking it would just be about starting women's circles, or something like that. But it turns out that it is about creating circle as a way of life, and it's given me some ideas about how we might make this work thing work better. So that was a surprise.

I think it will take some work, but I feel hopeful about my work situation again. And that feels like an unexpected gift.